Halloween
Suz is an amazing host. We decided to have a last minute Halloween get together with a few people and she forfeited a nap on Sunday afternoon to get the party supplies at the store (we are set for a while). It was ping-pong, euchre and Jaden oogling the whole evening long.
Joey came over and set up all these strobe lights and battery-operated flares in our front yard. We still didn't get tons of kids, but enough to make the effort worthwhile. Travis and Shanna came over and Shanna brought "Catch Phrase" which, I think she has probably brought over about 100 times, and the jerks that we are haven't offered to play! A new couple that we've just kinda met recently, Josh and Kelly, came over and he beat my butt in ping-pong. So yeah, he is king around here.
Well on a different note, I've been thinking about what it means to "go deep" with people. To be honest I don't really know what that means, and I've heard people attach that phrase to so many kinds of situations.
Sometimes it seems like it means gossiping about your family etc..
Sometimes it seems like it means a bunch of guys talking about lust with each other....
Sometimes it seems like it means crying...
Sometimes it seems like it's looking at each other with a really intense look on your face and saying "no, how are you really doing?
But, that really doesn't do it for me. I feel like I've had really deep talks with Suzanne, but I don't know if I would ever have talks like that with someone else. I guess maybe, I've never really gone deep with other people like that. But most of the time I don't really have a huge urge to do that. I do really want to know people well, and want to be able to talk about anything. But I'm more up for years of friendship, where we learn to trust each other, than an all out "cry session" or something.
Does anyone else feel this way?
posted by Dan Price @ 9:42 AM
5 Comments:
Yeah, I guess my confusion is "trying to go deep" with people. I mean there are people that know me well and people that know me less well. I probably hold back because of my insecurities sometimes and sometimes just becuase I don't feel the need to "open up." But I don't really know what it means to "try to go deep" with someone. Even with our small group, I feel like it might be a place where people could really open up about stuff, but to be honest I feel like much of the time it may not be the place. Much of the time, I feel like I don't have to much to open up with the group about. I don't know if I've had enough disclosure with people in the past, to where I don't often feel this need to do this or what. But I do feel like if we leave a meeting and someone hasn't opened up, that people view this as failure in some way. Like you said, it can't be forced or mechanic. Maybe deepness is just telling other people that you like them. Maybe we should go around the room and tell each other why we like them. I am just afraid that we set ourselves up for dissapointment when we "try to go deep" and never do. I don't know, I'm just putting this out there, rambling, i know this is not a bit cohesive, but it's literally my thoughts, out loud, unedited.
Just had a really good talk with Ross about this today. It was actually a decently "deep" talk (i'd give it about a 7.8). There really is something to opening up with people about stuff, but instead of putting our hopes in a one-time deal it is the footsteps of the journey that combined make friendships "deep." Sometimes there will be peaks and sometimes valleys. I know this seems so simple and trite, but it just seems so attainable and unattainable at the same time.
I've actually been thinking about the "going deep" thing myself recently and have even written about it in my Livejournal. I don't think that "going deep" with someone should be forced. It just naturally seems to happen when you develop a relationship/friendship with someone over time and you come to feel comfortable in doing so with that person.
Adam
Hey, remember when we went "camping" that one time with the youth group. I have camping in quotes b/c we were staying in a cabin so I don't think it really counts as camping. n-e-wayz, when u said that thing about telling everyone that we liked them it reminded me that we sat in a circle and told everbody why we liked them. That was a great way to open up and get some self-esteem boosters. I miss times like that with you guys. I really want to visit you guys; Justin lives in Toledo, so maybe one time that I go visit him I could come up and see you. Not sure exactly when I could do that though b/c I'm so busy this semester and I'm suppose to go to Ireland next semester. Maybe sometime in between that. Say hi to suz and jayden for me.
Kel
Greetings, Dan. I am a friend of Daniel Hanna's in Vienna. He suggested I visit your site. This was the firts blog that caught my eye.
I have thought about that whole "going deep" with someone to some extent, as well. Actually, myself and some of my acquaintances here in Vienna...have even commented about the "levels of conversation". We just made it up one night. So, for instance, level one would be small talk, weather talk, etc. Level two would be on a more personal level (interests, what one does, etc.) Level three would be even more personal (faith, philosophies, political ideals, life aspirations, etc.) Level four is where you share the more difficult things like struggles, sin, anger, disapointment, / or, heart felt feelings towards another's friendship, love for someone, etc. Level 5 is when you share things that only you and a select few know about (lust issues, etc.)... And level 6 is a level that isn't often reached. That is where you share something or thoughts that only you and God have known about before that moment (most often carnal thought).
So, there you have it. Move over Erickson, Piaget, Milton. Check out theory can come out of simple conversation between some average Joes?! Well, we have no study that supports this theory...and not a lot of thought was actually put into it.....your thought on "going deep" just reminded me of it.
For the most part I agree with one of the other posts. I think it is rare moments when we dare to talk intimately with our fellow man. Many times, in Christian circles at least, it seems forced. We have vain attempts at accountability groups...that usually end with little to no transparency ( NO LEVEL 6! :)).
Henri Nouwen has some interesting thoughts on intimacy with our fellow man in, 'Reaching Out.' He talks in there about reaching a certain level of intimacy with our fellow man through solitude (of course! What else does Nouwen talk about?!). I really like his thoughts, though.
In 'Reaching Out' he sites a dialog he has with a former student. The only catch is that it wasn't much of a dialog...of words anyways. He states that after a few minutes had passed they became silent...
"Not an embarassing silence but a silence that could bring us closer together than the many small and big events of the last year."
"The silence that grew between us was warm, gentle and vibrant."
He goes on describing their nonverbal interactions. And then after a long period of silence his former student says, "When I look at you it is as if I am in the presence of Christ." Nouwen responds by saying he did not feel surprised or in need of protesting, but could only say, "It is the Christ in you, who recognizes the Christ in me." "Yes," his student said, "He indeed is in our midst."
Nouwen then goes on to say that this former student spoke the most healing words he had heard in his many years...
"From now on, wherever you go, or wherever I go, all the ground between us is holy ground."
That is deep.
-Andy
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